Thursday, June 25, 2009

Help wanted Ad

Today I am finally going to do one of Mama Kat's prompt's. I always say I will and forget. Well not today and you can do one or two just go visit her site.

One of her prompts today was write a help wanted ad.

Help Wanted
please apply ASAP for this is a job that needs tackling

I am looking for a very motivated (and by motivated I mean the energizer bunny) female or male.
The job will consist of 16 hour work days Mon-Sun with actually no physical day off. We can arrange an hour break here and there but please do not expect one every day.
You will be here and ready to go at 7am. No tardyness or else you loose a good hour of quality work time around here.
You will begin by making breakfast for the princess of the house for she will begin to stir very shortly and then you loose all hope for major production early on.
While you wait for her roayl hinus you will do a load of laundry and unload the dishwasher.
Once this is done I will promise you the princess will have awoken and at this point you must rush her to the bathroom to make sure there are no accidents. She will be a little tempramental and demand to be left alone to eat her breakfast and watch "Street".
During this time you will clean all the bathrooms in the house. Once you are done change out the laundry and check on the master of the house. He will probably be happy to hear from you since you won't be bugging him about anything while he is at "work" and you are at home.
Now get the princess dressed and take her out with you to walk the dog. I warn you though this takes practice. The princess will want to hold the leash and OH MY GOSH the dog will of course run away. Chase it and when you catch her bring her back in and give her a treat (cause we are suckers for our dog).
Now you will set the princess up with an art project of some sort while you are getting ready for lunch. At this point my mom will of called 2-3 times and I am gonna need you to take those calls. She is very dear and will probably add a couple things to your list for the day just smile and talk sweetly and you can move on quickly. Clean the art project up and hang it on the fridge. Lunch is served and you can sit down and eat as well. After lunch clean it up and start to suggest we have quiet time for a little while. Take her up to her room and convince her that this the the only way possible. You will end up bribing her with a walk down to the park later.
While the princess naps clean the kitchen and vaccum the living room. Begin to think about dinner and make your list for the store cause I will promise you that you will be out of something.  Change the laundry out yet again and fold towels (I know I think they mass reproduce around here).
The princess will be up from her nap by now. Get her a bag and toss her in the car to run your errands. These vary daily but almost always include a trip to the grocery store. Some days you will have doctors appointments, play dates, or library time. I am gonna need you to be a wonderful multi-tasker and be able to get it all done on these days as well as the extra activities.
Come home from the store and take the princess down to the park. She has 45 minutes and then you must get back to start dinner.
Start dinner and change that damn laundry out one more time. The man of the house will be home shortly but at this point you have been out looking like hell all day so he probably won't care and if he does tell him to bite you.
The man of the house will come in and the first question will always be "What did you do all day today?" Just smile and say "oh just hung out at the house with the princess." Go finish dinner and serve it. After dinner the man of the house and the princess will play while you do the dishes and clean up from dinner. You will now leave the man of the house to his video games or baseball and go give the princess her royal washing. After her bath you will read Cinderealla 6 times and then discuss with the 2 1/2 year old why she MUST go to bed.
With the princess finally asleep change the laundry out AGAIN and you may now at this point go home. First though you must check on the man of the house and make sure he does not need a thing.
This job is very thankless and the pay is pure shit but at the end of the day you will be helping me out dearly for this has been my schedule for a long time and I would like a day to enjoy my coffee and perhaps read all day. I say one day cause that is all you will last. After one day you will probably be forced to tackle the man of the house and demand pay for if nothing else his complete and total ignorance for what you do all day.
Go stop by mama Kat's and visit some of the other lovely ladies that took her prompt for the day.

8 comments:

Kiki (G.G.) said...

A lot is required of your applicant. If you hire this amazing person, please send him/her my way. I don't think he/she would last a day in my house either. I just saw The Proposal, so I would love a Ryan Reynolds clone to be my hire. Take care.
-Kiki

Kiki (G.G.) said...

Forgot this: Thank you for stopping by my blog.
-Kiki

June Freaking Cleaver said...

My response to the "What did you do all day?" question (when my kids were young):

I sat on the couch in my robe and fuzzy slippers and watched soap operas and ate bon bons. Then the 49ers defensive line came over for a little "one-on-one" time. They went away happy.

This question from a man who didn't know how to operate household appliances, and wouldn't know how to fold a towel to save his life.

Unknown Mami said...

I would apply, but I already hold a vary similar position.

Isabel Princes said...

Geesh, I don't even do that much work for my own family lol. You are a fantastic mom and wife!

Maricel said...

Are you still hiring? =P I'll help you find one, but first, I need to find mine! =)

As a fellow Mom Bloggers Club member, I'm following via the Follow Me Club list. =)

Maricel --- Momhood Moments

I'm currently building my blogroll too. Care for a link exchange?

Shelly said...

Hi there, following from MBC. Have a great day!

http://www.atticgirl.blogspot.com

This Real Mommy said...

That was great. Are you hinting for Robert Pattinson to apply? I have to confess, I'd give up a few of the other things to have him help out around the house everyday. LOL