Help wanted Ad

Today I am finally going to do one of Mama Kat's prompt's. I always say I will and forget. Well not today and you can do one or two just go visit her site.

One of her prompts today was write a help wanted ad.

Help Wanted
please apply ASAP for this is a job that needs tackling

I am looking for a very motivated (and by motivated I mean the energizer bunny) female or male.

The job will consist of 16 hour work days Mon-Sun with actually no physical day off. We can arrange an hour break here and there but please do not expect one every day.

You will be here and ready to go at 7am. No tardyness or else you loose a good hour of quality work time around here.

You will begin by making breakfast for the princess of the house for she will begin to stir very shortly and then you loose all hope for major production early on.

While you wait for her roayl hinus you will do a load of laundry and unload the dishwasher.

Once this is done I will promise you the princess will have awoken and at this point you must rush her to the bathroom to make sure there are no accidents. She will be a little tempramental and demand to be left alone to eat her breakfast and watch "Street".

During this time you will clean all the bathrooms in the house. Once you are done change out the laundry and check on the master of the house. He will probably be happy to hear from you since you won't be bugging him about anything while he is at "work" and you are at home.

Now get the princess dressed and take her out with you to walk the dog. I warn you though this takes practice. The princess will want to hold the leash and OH MY GOSH the dog will of course run away. Chase it and when you catch her bring her back in and give her a treat (cause we are suckers for our dog).

Now you will set the princess up with an art project of some sort while you are getting ready for lunch. At this point my mom will of called 2-3 times and I am gonna need you to take those calls. She is very dear and will probably add a couple things to your list for the day just smile and talk sweetly and you can move on quickly. Clean the art project up and hang it on the fridge. Lunch is served and you can sit down and eat as well. After lunch clean it up and start to suggest we have quiet time for a little while. Take her up to her room and convince her that this the the only way possible. You will end up bribing her with a walk down to the park later.

While the princess naps clean the kitchen and vaccum the living room. Begin to think about dinner and make your list for the store cause I will promise you that you will be out of something.  Change the laundry out yet again and fold towels (I know I think they mass reproduce around here).

The princess will be up from her nap by now. Get her a bag and toss her in the car to run your errands. These vary daily but almost always include a trip to the grocery store. Some days you will have doctors appointments, play dates, or library time. I am gonna need you to be a wonderful multi-tasker and be able to get it all done on these days as well as the extra activities.

Come home from the store and take the princess down to the park. She has 45 minutes and then you must get back to start dinner.

Start dinner and change that damn laundry out one more time. The man of the house will be home shortly but at this point you have been out looking like hell all day so he probably won't care and if he does tell him to bite you.

The man of the house will come in and the first question will always be "What did you do all day today?" Just smile and say "oh just hung out at the house with the princess." Go finish dinner and serve it. After dinner the man of the house and the princess will play while you do the dishes and clean up from dinner. You will now leave the man of the house to his video games or baseball and go give the princess her royal washing. After her bath you will read Cinderealla 6 times and then discuss with the 2 1/2 year old why she MUST go to bed.

With the princess finally asleep change the laundry out AGAIN and you may now at this point go home. First though you must check on the man of the house and make sure he does not need a thing.

This job is very thankless and the pay is pure shit but at the end of the day you will be helping me out dearly for this has been my schedule for a long time and I would like a day to enjoy my coffee and perhaps read all day. I say one day cause that is all you will last. After one day you will probably be forced to tackle the man of the house and demand pay for if nothing else his complete and total ignorance for what you do all day.

Go stop by mama Kat's and visit some of the other lovely ladies that took her prompt for the day.

Wordless Wednesday

"Dude seriously no more pictures." - Mosey

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Oh did you marry your babys daddy?

FYI: I am going to make this a two part post so look for the ending tomorrow.

I wish I could say I have only heard this once but alas I hang my head in shame for these people and must admit I have heard it a bazillion times. I think today I will take you all for a litte trip down memory lane and hope all the people who truly feel the need to say that (which I have taylored my response to be "shoot bitch I ain't seen that lazy mofo in like two months I married my new baby daddy. If you see my old baby daddy have that ass hole call me he owes big mama some money.") read this post. Maybe I will print it off and hand it out.

So our tale starts a long time ago in a land far far away (in our hometown 10 minutes away from our new town). M.D. and I met in highschool. Please don't cue the awwws just yet. We were best buds forever. He dated a lovely girl for 6 years (and by lovely I mean a very crazy scary could kick my ass from here to next week). So needless to say I didn't want to try and poke through that force field. Well we all went away to college and would all meet back up on breaks and what not. I started dating my soul mate (NOT) just as M.D. broke up with sweet lovely girl. Not good timing. Well two years later we reconnected one night out with old friends. I knew then it was our turn. We dated off and on cause I was a player or whatever. Finally we committed and talked the M word.

So one very fateful evening we were out having a beer with friends and I looked at my dear friend and said has aunt flow visited you yet and she says yes she just left and all of a sudden my stomach sank because I knew. I was working for my parents full time managing there restaurant and so M.D. picked me up there Sunday and we took a pregnancy test and it said YES. I almost fell over and was waiting for M.D. to look at me and be like "oh hell no" but no, you know what he said. We are gonna have a baby that is awesome. WTF...Really? Why aren't you running? He didn't run because he really did love me. We told my mom the next night and she didn't lose it which was good but she did insist on telling my dad who was thrilled. M.D. and I were 22 and 23 at the time this all happened so we were plenty old enough to take responsibility. We both had great jobs and were stable and I think our parents knew that.

The doctors appointments started and we found out I was due November 7th. M.D. was amazing through the whole thing. I was still living at my parents and was so crazy hormonial and he came every single night and hung out. I started chilling about month 4  and we really started to enjoy being pregnant. We went for our ultra sound appointment to find out what we were having and we both cried when she said it was a girl. Then she said "Let me show this to a doctor really quick". My heart sank I knew something had to be wrong. I met with a doctor who wasn't my regular and she very abruptly and quickly said you have lost 80% of the fluid in your amniotic sak and we need you on bed rest till further notice. She then hurried out and left us with open mouths and no answeres. We met with my doctor that following Monday and she said to drink lots of fluids, stay in bed, and she would check me in two weeks. Those were the longest two weeks of my life. We went back in and all was well. I could return to work 3 hours a day if I sat on a stool and only rang customers out. Well this is kind of where all the baby daddy marriage questions come in. The restaurant my parents have is very family oriented and everyone kind  of feels like they are family so of course they all knew M.D. and I's story. Well when we found out we were pregnant we wanted to focus on a baby and add marriage later.

The rest of my pregnancy was pretty easy going except for swelling like a large

water balloon. M.D. and I bought a townhouse and moved in together which was wonderful. I was taking things easy and we were enjoying all our time with friends and family.

I was going to the doctors 3 times a week for fetal monitoring and urine samples. Finally on October 26th my doctor said "it is time for us to take her". I was getting pretty sick and it was going to affect the baby. So on Friday October 27th 2006 we went in to be induced. In all sense of the word we were ready. The room was done, the clothes were washed, the house was spotless, even the carseats had been installed by a professional. They started me on a pitocin drip and after about 3 hours broke my water. My labor pains were awful but I wasn't diolating past a two. I got my epidural and the angels sang. We hung out, lots of friends and family came and went, we took naps and talked the doctor every hour. Finally after about 11 hours of labor all my monitors started going off. My nurse and doctor came in and said you are having a c-section now. I was hysterical M.D. was downstairs with his brother and this was not my plan. within 20 minutes we made it to the operating room (with M.D. thank God) and had a beautiful 6lb. 2oz baby girl.

To be continued tomorrow...

Wordless Wednesday

My big fish

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Monday TV and my reality on Jon and Kate

Apparently the tv Gods got together and decided to make Monday the day my DVR runneth over with good stuff. Well last night I got a little gift and instead of having to watch everything from last night today M.D. was tired and went to bed at 7:30!?!? I was shocked but cool with it.

I started the evening with the Bachlorette. I actually really like Jillian and I hope she finds someone. None the less though it is still filled with a bunch of wonderful crap!! My front runners are:

Jake

Who I belive is not to perfect and just oh so hottie! I do not think she will pick him and I do think he will be the next bachlor we are watching women make total tools out of themselves over.

Michael

He is my favorite. His personality is just awesome and he is freaking hot! I have a long history with men named Michael. I think they all have a crazy power over me. Once again though Jillian will not pick him either.

Kiptyn

I am pretty sure she will end up with him. Everytime she looks at him she gets this stupid puppy dog look in her eyes and she has to makeout with him. He is ehh for me but I don't have to live with him.

So after my 2 hours of the Bachlorette I moved on to John and Kate plus 8. We all know how much I love this show.  Last night I was ready with an open mind and heart to see something that I actually liked and after those 30 mins that I use to love so much I have made a MAJOR decision. I am no longer gonna watch John and Kate. I just can't stomach it anymore. If they were working on there marriage and trying to make things better then I would say okay but it is just completly fake now. They have built an empire based on those children. Kate is constantly on. She is snippy at those poor kids and John is nothing but a bump in the way at this point. John isn't much better he runs off any chance he gets he just doesn't drag the kids along. It really is sad and so with that I must bid a farewell to John and Kate because truly you are two very selfish individuals and as a real parent I can no longer stomach the way you choose to parent.

The way they were

The way they are now

I ended my evening with my FAVORITE show. Which is semi bi-polar on my part being as I just quit Jon and Kate for crap parenting but whatever.

I love Weeds and this season is fabulous. I love my drug dealing mama turned semi I have a concious Nancy. She makes me laugh and think about what a life it must be to run tango with the Mexican drug cartel. Okay no not really I know they are bad bad people but we have to have our risky dreams. If you don't watch it and are not a fan of 30 minutes of raunchyness then skip it. But if you are in need of a little raunchy put those kiddos to bed and tune in to my guilty pleasure.

Our weekend including vampire porn

So this weekend was crazy for us. M.D. left on Thursday for a baseball game and guys trip in Cleveland. He was suppose to come home on Friday and called Friday morning saying they were going to another game and wouldn't be back until Saturday morning. Well Mosey and I packed Maggie up and headed to my parents. I will never turn down the opportunity to stay at my parents because my dad is the most amazing cook. We had a great time and Mosey loves it over there. We hang outside a whole bunch and eat really great food. Is there anything better?

My dad and Maggie

Mosey LOVES Maggie

My brother hanging out

My dad making Bananna Fosters on the grill.

With the break in cooking and the extra help with Mosey it was like a mini vacation for me as well.

We picked M.D. up on Saturday and came home to give daddy some nap time. He must of had a good time because he got home at 1 and slept till 7:30 then went to bed at 9:30. I am thinking he didn't want to let me know he was suffering from a two day hangover. I think that is payback from all our carefree days when he use to give me two day hangover.

      A picture of us back in the day 2 day hangover days.

With M.D. sleeping and Mosey just hanging out I decided to work on a 4th of July tutu for her.

I added ribbon to the tutu because it is long enough to be a dress. I can't decide if I like it or not.

Well after that hard work I decided to take a break. I decided to break down and rent Twilight. I keep trying to figure out what the hell the big deal is with it. I settle into the couch and was not expecting to much from it and then BAM all of a sudden I am realizing I am probably gonna be having vampire porn dreams now.

First off the movie was really good and I am going to get the books this week but oh this little slice of heaven made it over the top

I was so happy M.D. was asleep during this movie cause I was major lusting.

I am still floating on the high from my Apron book and decided if I am going to make one of those beauties I need to clean and organize my craft area. Remember not to long ago it was this mess.

Well now it looks like this:

I am gonna give it about two days but atleast it looked nice when I walked downstairs this morning.

Wow I just realized what an awesom load of randomness this blog it today. Hope it makes sense to someone.

My domestic diva item

What could make house work fun? Yeah, I know we all ask this question and truly it is nothing but I have found something that makes it a little bit more interesting. Gone are the days of plain jane aprons, they are fun, frilly, flirty, and oh so much fun to make now.
I wanted to share with all of you my new favorite thing. It is a book I have been drooling over for like 2 months and I finally got it. It is every bit as wonderful as I thought it was going to be.  I have touched every page and am going to make an apron right now.

I will post and add pics from this weekend later but I had to share this little lovely first.

Wordless Wednesday

This is where I want to be right now.

Molly and my mom at the beach

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Rejuvination

We had such a fun weekend and it was just what I needed. I have been in a major funk lately (hence no blogging lately). I have been in a major blah blah slump which is truly not like me. I have a very bad tendency to eat my emotions away and I am trying really hard to get all of that back in focus. HELLO, no one likes a 500lb. girl with emotional issues!! M.D. is a very amazing man though and I tend to give him a lot of shit for not seeming to give a shit but he still sticks around and he loves me and that is pretty cool.
So anyways, this great weekend we had. I will have to post pictures later this week when I get some. I forgot my camera all weekend.  I am such a dork. Friday Mosey and I helped M.D.'s sister do some baby shopping and went out for breakfast at Cracker Barrell which is like my favorite fat food. M.D.'s sister is do the end of September and I can't wait to have a baby around. After that Mosey and I went to see my Granny for a while. Then M.D. called and asked if he could go play cards (he does this every Friday or/and Saturday) at his boss's. They play some game called Des Moche. M.D.'s boss is hispanic as is everyone else they are around all the time and M.D. seems to fit in perfect. They all speak Spanish around him and he just chills. Needless to say I told him to have fun and Mosey and I crashed dinner at my parents house. My dad is a FANTASTIC cook.
Saturday I worked with my parents as usual and then we headed over to M.D.'s cousin's house for a cookout. It was wonderful to just sit outside and relax.
Sundy M.D.'s mom who is the most AMAZING mother in-law ever decided to have a birthday party for me at his grandparents pool (my birthday it tomorrow). It has been cool here but was 90 yesterday and so I knew I could not get out of getting in the freezing pool with Mosey. So, I swam and M.D. and his brother played basketball and then the rest of his family showed up. He has a huge family. We cooked out and ate a wonderful triple chocolate cake his mom made. M.D.'s cousin who just has happened to become one of my BFF's made me a painting for my birthday and it was based off of all the patterns on Mosey's old baby clothes. I can not wait to post pictures. It is awesome and of course made me cry.
What better way to shake out of a funk and remember what it is all about then a weekend like this.
I promise good pictures later this week.